After filling out a generic contact form on the Chipotle website, I was contacted by a customer service agent named Louisa. If there is such a thing as a perfect response, Louisa has figured it out. Here is a copy of our conversation:
From: Clayton Lee
To: Chipotle Customer Service
Dear Customer Service Agent,
On Friday, March 21, I had a baby. Actually, my wife did most of the having, but I deserve some credit for holding her legs up for three hours. Either way, I have a new person living in my house. My sweet daughter is super awesome and doesn’t cry a lot, which is also awesome, but her birth has put me in quite a predicament and you may be the only person who can help.
You see, my wife is going to take some time off from work to make sure the little one doesn’t poop all over daddy’s new recliner and therefore my budget for going out to lunch is being depleted to zero dollars and zero cents. This wouldn’t be a problem except for the fact that in a few weeks, Chipotle is opening its doors in Hershey, PA, within walking distance of my office. Your restaurant represents the perfect storm of amazing food, zero dollars, and daddy’s unrelenting lack of self-control. If I don’t come up with a plan to diffuse the situation, I could easily spend my daughter’s diaper money on double-rice, chicken burritos.
I am humbly reaching out to you today, admitting my gluttonous failures as both a husband and father, begging for your assistance. If you could find it in your heart to spare even a single free burrito coupon, I would gladly grovel at your organically grown feet with tears of gratitude. You could not have known that building this restaurant would cause such a conflict of emotion in one man’s life, and I hold no grudges regarding my new dilemma. Without your help, however, my life will be reduced to eating sack lunches in the parking lot, begging for scraps of carnitas.
I am only a man. I can only handle so much.
From: Chipotle Customer Service Consultant, Louisa
To: Clayton Lee
Thanks for the entertaining read! I can empathize with your situation to some degree. I had a baby not to long ago, and he’s now 6 months old. Going down to my husband’s income for a while was interesting, and it asked of him to give up his daily Chipotle burrito lunches for the sake of his new son and wife at home. I’m not sure how he made it through, but I’m sure he’s a better man today for giving up the next best thing to his new baby.
With that said, congratulations on your new addition, I hope that you’re enjoying every moment of being a dad so far. We certainly don’t want you to eat sack lunches in the parking lot every day though. That’s lonely and boring. If you send me your postal address I will send you a couple of free-burrito cards so you can spice things up a bit. Now, I’m sure your daughter adds a lot of variety to your life these days, but we’ll keep that ball rolling and roll you something delicious when you come and see us.
Thank you for being such a fan. We wouldn’t be where we are today without the love and devotion of all the amazing people like you out there. Hello to your wife and baby girl from us, and we wish them well as they soak up their mommy-baby time at home. Thanks for your support, dad!
An understanding new-mom,
God bless you, Chipotle.
God bless you, Louisa.
I’ll be having a burrito for lunch today.